Dude, SPEED UP!

Am I the only one who is frustrated when I walk out of a room into a hallway, or leave my house and start walking down the sidewalk, or leave my car and walk through a parking lot; and some guy happens to be right there heading in the same direction and moving the same pace which is just too fast to move around, and too slow for me to slow down to let him go faster. I say it's the responsibility to move faster to open the gap. You end up walking right behind him for the whole trip which is uncomfortable trying to tailgate a pair of denim. I HATE That!

It's not that I don't like people and have to have a lot of room, it's just awkward. Even if I say "hi" to break the tension, it's not like I want to have a conversation with this person who I don't know. I could be a better Christian and talk to him, but what if he's crazy, weird, or gonna hit on me. I hate when that happens (OK, it's only been one time, by some weird black usher in the Ford Theatre in Washington D.C., but that was enough).

Even if it's in the parking lot at the church, walking in with members who I know. There's no threat of them hitting on me (hopefully), but I'm like "Hey, how's it going" as I'm taking the kids out of the car. They keep walking and say "Hello". I get the kids ready and we start walking for the building and move just a couple feet away from them as we start our trip. It's not a long trip, but now we've started a conversation. But what is there to say?

"Going to church?"
"No, I've joined the FBI and there's a situation we have to take care of after the opening prayer."
-of course they are going to church

"Did you read the reading assignment?...yeah, me neither"
-no one reads the materials, why bring it up for both of us to have a guilty conscience before we go in to learn about our real sins.

"Nice tie."
"Thanks, you too."
-now we're either liars or hypocrites in the church parking lot. He has a BYU tie and I have a U of U tie. We either didn't really look at the other tie, or we don't truly support our teams.

"Late again, huh"
(he checks his watch and looks at me like an idiot) "Well...do you hear the opening hymn through the window?"
Why point out the obvious

All and all, it's just a frustrating situation. Again, unless you are good friends, the person in front should make an effort to go faster to break the awkwardness.

What time is it?

I've noticed that there are designated times for a lot of things, but not everything. And not everyone has the same rights to the same "times" as some other people.

For most people there's "Breakfast time", "Lunchtime", "daytime", "dinnertime", "nighttime", "bath time, and "bedtime". But here are some others that not everyone usually gets to enjoy...

The English have "tea time", but I can't have scheduled "chocolate milk time".

Actors have "show time", but if I go to the theatre am I allowed to say that without sounding like a jerk who's telling everyone to shut up and turn off their phones?

Competitive people have "go time", but if I want to leave an engagement with people I don't want to talk to and tell my wife, "it's 'go time', let's get going" I'm being rude.

Athletes, lesbian's, and perverts each have "shower time" (though each group utilizes it differently), but if you tell someone it's their "shower time" they take offense.

Kids have "quiet time" and "bath time". But if they take it together then you are paranoid that they are drowning and have to keep checking on them.

Women have "alone time" and men come off as being selfish if they don't support it. On the other hand, men have "me time" and are accused of being selfish if they take it.

Borat has "sexy time", but not usually with anyone worth it.

TV shows have "air times". Thankfully I don't have to schedule times to breathe.

Employees have "down times" and are always in trouble for it.

Sports have "halftimes", but in real life it doesn't work.

Cat's have "lifetimes" and they seem to never run out.

Farmers have "harvest times", when do I get scheduled occasion to reap what I sow?

Inmates have "outdoors times". When I'm obligated to go camping, I feel like an Inmate.

Kindergartners have "play time" and more people should.

Oh and while we're on the subject...
Seasonally we have "wintertime", "springtime" and "summertime", but no "fall time". Why? because things are dying? In the Winter everything is dead? What's wrong with the Fall season?

"Now, THAT'S what I'm talking about!"

Why is it that when two people are talking and one of them says something relevant and Illuminating to the second person, the second person says "Now THAT'S what I'm taking about."

If "that" was what the second person was talking about, wouldn't he have been the one to say it. Shouldn't he say "Now THAT overshadows everything I've said on the subject at hand."

What kind of Moronic, unimaginative, self-involved, social leech says "Now THAT'S what I'm talking about."